Image  —  Posted: May 14, 2013 in Art & Photos
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Insomnia Awakes

Posted: May 10, 2013 in Poetry & Writing

Luke warm water under demise, sink into heat as cold seeks to rise.

Bliss has come and passed again, rain falls to serenade within the sin.

Melt away, drift through out the light, partake my withered weary night.

Below the depths of tight stretched skin, ink has worn is wearing thin.

Alas smiles battle won war, a grand junction higher than forever before.

Rusted rope tied life’s last knot, through blood shot eyes surely fought.

Wrong waves roll beneath whisper guiding eyes, broken hearts traveled sands arise.

Sink or swim to fall or fly, risen hand to swiftly hit or wave goodbye.

Surface white tortures mind, layered color seek & find.

Blood boiling anger waits, endless pain into love fades.

At 16 I told myself I would be a famous Artist by the time I was 30, and my entire life that number has been stuck in my head. Though my dreams that danced through my mind as a teen slowly dwindled away, they never burned out completely.

At 29 it hit me, I only had a year to fulfill my goals I had set for myself…I had better hurry! After 29 years of negativity soaked years (*My Past), it was time to make a change. I left everything I knew to come to Nashville, as something in my gut told me to go, and it was the best decision I have ever made.

I came here with a purpose, and knew in my heart that I had to change everything about myself if I wanted the life I had always dreamed of. After living 29 years absorbed in negativity, who knew it could be so easy to change your entire life…but it was.

My Life Changing Check List:

1. (Always Think & Act Positive) This is the most important, but also the hardest. No matter the situation, realizing that nothing positive comes from anything you do that’s negative, therefor it’s pointless. Positive Thinking & Actions attract positive reactions from everything around you.

2. (Surround Yourself with Positive People) This is very easy, and very helpful in so many ways. Most people feed off of the energy around them, so it’s only obvious that having negative people around is not going to help anything. If someone doesn’t make your life better, it’s best to let them go.

3. (Find Meaning & Purpose in Your Life) Whether it’s at your job, getting involved in the community, having a strong family, helping others, or creating your own business, having purpose in your life makes it worth living and often brings the feeling of satisfaction.

4. (Heal the Heart) If you have a past like mine it may be hard to let go of the many dark memories that can haunt your heart & mind, but it’s absolutely necessary to heal your heart before seeking true happiness. Letting go of past grudges, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and never being part of a negative relationship that will forever hold you back from fulfilling your hearts true need for healthy love & happiness. This takes work, it will not happen over night, but in the long run will be one of the greatest factors in reaching a positive life.

5. (Know Your Own Worth) This is the hard one for most woman, myself included. Most woman are givers, and worry more about others happiness than their own. This causes us to have a warped perception on our own worth, and can lead to us never reaching our full potential as powerful, positive, and happy individuals. At 30 I realized this was one of my greatest crutches holding me back from reaching my goals, I didn’t feel as though I deserved all the things I wanted to achieve, therefor I gave up on the idea of pursuing them. The fear of failure is one of the greatest hindrances of woman accomplishing goals they dream of pursuing, and yet we are the only ones standing between ourselves and the things in life we want the most.

6. (Live Life to the Fullest) Yep, heard this many times right, but it’s because it’s true. If you always say tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. The time is now to change your life, and achieve all the things you think you can’t. Life is too short to fear what tomorrow may never bring, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to leave this world with a hand full of regrets. Walk tall, sing loud, try new things, eat new foods, reach for the stars, and love everyone until your last breath has been taken.

7. (Love Your Body) Your body is what can make or break your life, I know as my body is trying to kill itself slowly. You never know how important your health is until you no longer have it. I know how annoying it is to hear about how important your health is, but I would do anything to have mine back now that it’s gone. Everything from the food you eat, the steps you take, and the thoughts you think all impact your body. When your body is in great condition life is so much better, and now that I only have a few good days a month I cherish them as if each was my last. So take care of your body, if you are over weight do what you can to change it, eat better, start walking, go hiking, and find a friend to support you. If your mind is not in the right place try to get it there, talk to someone, do anything you can to get your mind and body in the best shape possible and you will notice that life feels so much better when you do.

These are just a few things I have done over the past years to better my life, and although my health is the worst it’s ever been, I’ve never been happier because my mind is in the right place, I have found purpose in my life, and I have surrounded myself with nothing but positive thoughts, actions, and people.

After deciding to change my life at 29 it only took me 6 months to see results, and by 30 my entire life had changed in ways I never imagined. I have started my own business as an Artist/Body Painter/ Photographer, ( ( and have so many amazing opportunities and people that keep entering my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends, shot with so many creative photographers, been in magazines, cast for a reality show in 2014, worked on several music videos, runner up for Nashville’s RAW Artist of the Year, won EBN Makeup Artist of the Year 2013, been asked to be part of CMA Fest 2013, and this is just the very beginning of my new life thanks to “Turning Up the Positive”.

Koi (Photo)

My Second Body Paint Piece (2012)

Image  —  Posted: May 7, 2013 in Art & Photos
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The juggle continues, as I deal with my chronic pain, my family, and my career. Life is probably the best it’s ever been right now, as I have learned to be grateful for everything I have and work hard to get a grip on those I have yet to possess.

As I dig deeper into the Art community and continue to push my talent onto the world, I slowly see my business growing. I am currently registered to be on a Body Paint Reality show at some point, slowly my Body Paint business is growing and spreading into the music industry, I have continued to grow as a canvas painter, and have started to dabble into clothing design.

Plans to write a book and open my own Art Gallery/Studio are always on my mind, and I definitely plan to make them happen in the next coming years. I have never felt so alive as people are starting to know me as the Artist to turn to for just about any project.

Designing tattoos, airbrushing costumes, body paint for music videos, photography, and even the beginning of a tattoo apprenticeship, just shows that my versatility may soon pay off as an Artist.

The Prison of Pain

Posted: April 30, 2013 in The Journey Called LIFE

Most people wouldn’t guess by looking at me that I was in the military, four years active in the U.S. Army. I think back to when I was nineteen, so athletic and strong. There wasn’t a sport I didn’t play, and I miss that so much.

The truth is, I have been dealing with chronic pain since 2002, only a few months after joining the military everything I did made my body hurt. Only a year after joining the military my body was falling apart, spells of paralyzing pain and immobility that soon lead to me being medically discharged.

Being a “Gimp” in the Army is highly frowned upon, and immediately you are seen as lazy, or unwilling to pull your weight…which was very hard for me to swallow. All the activities I loved had been ripped away, and with no reason as to why. Hundreds of scans and tests left me angry and constantly battling with spells of depression and anger as to why this was happening to me, and why I couldn’t get an answer.

Ten years went by without any reasoning behind why I was in so much pain, or why my body continued to fall apart, and then came rock bottom. Early this year my hands started to swell, my arms locked up, my entire body became stricken with horrible pain and my muscles began to grow lame.

I had already given up all the many physical activities I had enjoyed, but now I was unable to draw or paint, as an artist this broke my heart and sucked me into the worst depression I had ever known. At this point the thought of dying was so comforting as I could barely walk on my own, being carried around and assisted to get dressed was so humiliating, and I didn’t know how much more I could take.

As strong willed as I was I gave into the need to change my life or lose it, so I sucked up my pride and sought out help from the VA, probably the best decision I was referred to a Rheumatologist, brought in by wheel chair it was no surprise he called me an “Inviolate”, and said I was the absolute worst case he’d ever seen. After ten years of dealing with horrible chronic pain I was diagnosed with Severe Rheumatoid Arthritis (Autoimmune Disorder).

Finding out the answer I had been seeking for so long was such a relief, but also bitter sweet as this disease has no known cause or cure. This was something I would have to live with for the rest of my life, and I would never be the active athlete I once prided myself in being.

Placed on the strongest regimen of medicine possible, I became severely ill in the beginning. Horrible migraines, constant vomiting, irritability, and fatigue among many other things. It’s been a few months, and slowly things are getting better. I have good days and bad days, and just face this life long disease one day at a time…

Beautiful & Strong Piece for an Anti-Rape Campaign I am so honored to have been part of.

Image  —  Posted: April 30, 2013 in Art & Photos
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